By now, it must be clear that my reviews are not sponsored, and reflect my very own subjective opinion on whatever crosses my tastebuds. With this disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about today’s food item: the Yellow Fish calamari and chips.
Why ‘Pwason Zaun’ (sic) though? My interpretation is that it’s part of the aggressive social media advertising campaign going on. One of the pictures features a rowdy, demanding looking child on a tricycle, apparently heading full steam towards the advertised location. The somewhat clumsy translation in Mauritian Creole is perhaps an attempt to speak directly to a wider audience, while maintaining a level of informality and reachability. Speaking of writing, I am a believer that advertising campaigns should at least get the spelling right. In Creole, the correct spelling would be ‘Pwason Zonn’, with the capital letter being an assumption that it is a brand name, and thus a proper noun, even though I am unsure whether proper nouns should be translated [in which case, Salazar Slytherin would be ‘Salazar Pe Glise’ #harrypotter].
Succumbing to my culinary curiosity, I headed half-steam to the Mahogany joint, where I was greeted by a lady who presented the menu, which is also posted on the Facebook page. I had already made my mind that I would not go for hake. While I am by no means someone who expects fresh fish at food court restaurant, especially that not all fish hold up well to the batter and deep fry treatment, I cannot help but reflect on the tragedy of the fish-as-food situation in Mauritius. I mean, we are surrounded by the ocean; yet, fish is overpriced and not as readily available as one would assume. At any rate, I ordered the “Yellow Stripes Combo” (Calamari) which features “Calamari Strips, Crispy Fries, Lemon, Creole Sauce” for the not-so-cheap price of 295 MUR. I added a “lychee lemonade” for 125 MUR, which includes a consignment fee of 25 MUR. One can also opt for a 50 MUR voucher on the next purchase upon returning the glass bottle.
I was told that the order would be ready in 5 minutes, which, taking into consideration time dilation and the different laws of physics in food courts, turned out to be 15 minutes. The ‘package’ was served in a paper tray, with the calamari strips sitting on top of the fries.
First mistake. The lack of aeration between the layer of fries and the calamari strips increased the risk of both being soggy, very quickly. Sure enough, the underside of the strips were markedly less crispy than the more aerated surface. Speaking of crispiness, the batter was light and offered an interesting bite. Unfortunately, it was quite oily. Now, I know that this kind of batter will naturally absorb a fair amount of oil. My point is thus relative, the reference being fish and chips I had in another mall joint in Westfield, UK. In relative terms, the calamari was oilier. However, that was a very acceptable batter. My main issue was the calamari itself. It was painfully bland and boring, with no discernable taste. The batter was not enough to salvage the eating experience. How about the fries? Very disappointing. One, I would have expected better quality fries from a fish and CHIPS restaurant. I mean, it’s 50 percent of the deal. Of course, I was not expecting homemade fries. Just something better than the standard frozen, mass-produced stuff we find everywhere. Two, as I hypothesised after noticing the serving layout, they had become soggy and not very tasty at all. As for the Creole sauce, it was forgettable.
Perhaps the lemonade would pack more of punch. Well it did! And not in a pleasant way. A small sip sent a jolt through my tastebuds. They experienced defibrillation and they were not even dead yet. The acidity of the drink was borderline ubearable, and of course, the lychee went AWOL. No trace left; or perhaps, just buried by the overwhelming acidity.
Overall, this was terribly disappointing, It is a case where the marketing was done right, but the execution was poor, especially for the price. I would compare it to the defunct Fishaways (at least in Mauritius), where there was more bang for the buck, with a very similar offering in terms of the food. I will definitely not be visiting again, sorry “Pwason Zaun”.
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